So, when a frustrated parent decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about whether or not she was wrong to refuse to babysit for her friend's child because of her delayed potty training, people were quick to help deem a verdict. So, I have a 4-year-old, my friend has a 4-year-old. The kids get along great. We used to hang out a lot before COVID, then when it hit it became a lot of face-times and outside hanging out, like going to the park or something. So usually not super long hangs, maybe an hour at the park. We were doing this a few times a week. 2 weeks ago she asked if I could watch her kid 2 days a week through the summer, I initially agreed. The first day she dropped her off she handed me a bag, not unusual, extra clothes bathing suit, etc., when she left I went through it and it was all those things and diapers. I had no idea her kid wasn’t potty trained. I know I shouldn’t assume, but I did. I didn’t even really think about it, I just figured she would be. Well she’s not. And I just can’t do it. It sounds awful, I know, my kid was potty trained before 2 because I just hate it. (I obviously don’t expect every kid to be done before two) Here’s the issue. After the first day, I told her I couldn’t babysit anymore, that I would give her a little time to find someone new. She of course asked why and I told her.Part of being a parent is sometimes dealing with a clash in parenting styles or choices from other parents, but judging other people when their kids are safe and happy is also never a good move.
AITA for refusing to babysit because the kid isn’t potty trained?
Well apparently I’m unreasonable. Also of note, I found out this is why her kid can’t go to preschool anymore, they have to be potty trained to move into the jr. kindergarten room.
Anyway, she called me all sorts of name, told me I’m too judgmental. I don’t think that’s true, I don’t really care if your kid is potty trained… I just don’t want to be the one changing the diapers.
Mutual friends have told me she has been badmouthing me for backing out of a commitment. Yes, I did agree, and maybe I should have asked first, but I didn’t leave her high and dry, I did tell her I could for a little while while she found a new sitter.
Important: her kid is neurotypical, has no delays or issues.
AITA for refusing to babysit a 4 year old because they are still in diapers?
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:
NTA (Not the As*hole) She knew perfectly well her kid not being potty trained was a problem. He hid this information from you on purpose to get you to agree, then sprang it on you when she thought she had you. You did not create her childcare problem here, she did. - AgainPaintedInky
NTA. I would have also assumed a 4-year-old was potty trained unless told otherwise. Your friend didn't give you all the relevant info before you agreed to babysit. Also, 4 year old poop is a totally different category of funkiness from baby poop and I wouldn't want to deal with it either. - joanclaytones
NTA. A four-year-old’s diapers are so much grosser than a baby’s diapers because they poop like regular people. No way. I hate changing my own toddler’s diapers (particularly after yesterday’s horror show, I’ll spare you the details) so I’m not changing someone else’s. - ScubaCC
NTA. Your friend would rather keep her out of school than go through potty training. That’s a huge warning sign to me that your friend is really struggling with something. While I understand you not wanting to deal with diapers, are your so close enough that you can talk to her from a place of compassion?
Something isn’t adding up and either your friend or her child need more help than your friend is letting on. - EmpressJainaSolo
NTA, she should have told you. Everyone expects a 4 year old to be potty trained. There are reasons why some aren't, but a reasonable parent would tell you up front. - ALongNumbersOfString
So, there you have it!
Everyone agreed that this parent wasn't at all wrong to refuse to babysit a child who isn't potty trained, but perhaps an honest discussion with the mom could be helpful. Good luck, everyone!
Sources: Reddit
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